Saturday, September 30, 2006

today, is quite a weird day.. hmms.

woke up today. was hoping that my day would be a wonderful one. but somehow, it didn't turn out the way i want it to be. my day is wasted just like that. oh well.

i was all prepared to start my revision. but somehow, i ended up staring into space. many things came into my mind. i'm not sure what lies ahead. and i'm afraid. for the past 16 years, i've done many things that i've regretted. and i'm afraid that i'll regret my future decision. hmms. i feel like isolating myself for the outside world. i don't want to hurt anyone any more. i feel like leaving this world quietly. >< hmms. i'm trying to run away from my problems.

sometimes, i hate to pretend that i'm happy. sometimes, i hate to smile so as to hide my tears. i really hate doing so. but i have no choice. >< sigh. life. why does it have to be this way?

i've got to thank puay for being there for me most of the time. yap. PUAY ROCKS.

done blogging.

-i'm tired.-

Friday, September 29, 2006

wow! how long since i last blog? lols. ok. not very long. lols. life is great on the outside, not very, on the inside. lols. you won't wanna know. so forget it.

have been lending my shoulders to some of those who are sad. lols. guess i did a pretty good job. ^^ next time i know what job i can do le. lols.

studies wise is not so bad. lols. should be able to find my studying mood soon. just let me get enough sleep. i think i'm having sleeping disorder. EYE BAGS! so disgusting can? lol.

keep thinking of life after Os. still considering whether to go first 3 months. sians. it's like the life ahead is so blur. and i completely have no idea what lies ahead. ><

out of the blue, i asked my buddy a weird question. "do you believe in forever love?". without hesitation, he answered "yes.".. i don't know what had cross my mind to suddenly ask such a question. lols.

i realise that sometimes, jokes may be a hurting comment. yaps.

hmms. life should turn better soon. i hope.

Ms NG LAY PUAY! please sleep. you look like a zombie! lols. love you puay!

done blogging.

ever since you step into my life, things start to change. you give me hope, you shower me with love and you hold my hand and walk through each day with me. i can find no reason to not hang in there no matter how tough life is. cause i want to do you proud. when things were not going right for me, you stand by me. you let me know that i was never alone. i was too used to having you by my side. ever since the day that you chose to ignore me, i felt as though a part of me was missing. no matter how much i tried to be happy, deep inside me, i'm still crying. no matter how hard i tried to be strong, deep inside me, i still want you to be there for me. right now, all that i wish for is to keep those wonderful memories. and continue to write this never ending story with you. i want you to know that no matter how tough life is, you'll never be alone. cause i'm willing to be there for you and to bring you through it too. =) this is only for the one and only you. i love you, Mr Poh Ching Hong. =)

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

you know how happy i am?! first time in my entire upper sec life i didn't fail a single sub for my subject! i pass all my combination! OMG! i'm so freaking happy~! hahas. even my weakest subject, elective geo, pass! so damn happy la! lols. pass my overall chem results. not fantastic though. but jump 2 grades from block test. ^^

nothing much happen in the morning. after recess, gui showed us the statistics of prelim and Os. i hope my chem can get b3 and CH can 3! lols. but. it's pretty amazing how a D7 for CH manage to hit A1 for Os. wow! lols. and E8 to A2. lols. those people must be siao. lols.

took yk's phone to msg people. lols. he wanted to msg the sec 3 girl ma. but i took his phone and msg her. in the end no reply. so we msg the sec 4 girl. lols. reply within 3 minutes. then we helped him ask if she likes him. no reply. lols. =x he damn funny la. always get bullied by me. =x but he improved alot. happy for him. ^^ in fact he did better. lols.

anyway, wong gave us a break while she went down to get our combine CH results. then yk came back with a sausage puff la. lols. so i tricked him by saying that wong is back.. obviously not. lols. then after a while, wong really came back. then he tried to hide la. lols. in the end, wong found out. funny. he was asked to finish the remaining in one mouth, which is impossible la. lols. but he did it. BIG MOUTH! lols.

everyone is planning to go first three months. but i can't make it anywhere with my freaking grades. hmms. what should i do? ><

first time in 2006, i went home with puay. lols.

ahh! having cravings for chocolates. white chocolates!! AHH!!!

done blogging.

-all i ever wish for.-

Monday, September 25, 2006

the first day of the week, and quite many good things happen. =) 2 good news and 1 bad new though. lols.

morning, stepped into the PB room. alex and eugene just ended their world war 1. lols. now alex took over my place. lols. then kors came in. then sy came in la. and he did something bian tai to me can?! lols. then when i complain to his stead, she blur blur de. funny.

on our way back to class, had many lame jokes with puay. lols. "listen to me first..." lols. i bet it rain cause of her la! hahas. anyway, ask her jio me out after Os. she owe me a date! i make sure this time she'll wear skirt out. =x puay, see this ----> WEAR SKIRT OUT WITH ME! lols.

got back SS result only after recess. mrs wong scare me. she told me "see what i write..." normally when she says that, sure means that i did very badly. wow! 18. *claps* hahs. it pull up my overall SS marks. hahas. i didn't expect to do well cause i didn't complete my entire SBQ. after 45 minutes, i went to SEQ. hahas.

then got back bio. MY GOSH! first time i pass BIO in my entire sec 4 life! my effort is paid off! yes! i didn't forgo my sleep for nothing. *phew* although i didn't get a good grade, but i pass! hahas. happy.

but chem.. hmms. i flunk my paper 2 by 1.5 marks. i'm not exactly very sad. cause i did improve. ms tay said the bunch of us might get b3 if we worked harder. =) i'll do my best. anyway, hope my practical pull up my overall grade to a pass. i wanna break my record of no failing subjects. lols.

i guess there is no point of pouting over poor results. what for be sad? it's already done. what for ask for more marks? no like you can do that for Os. right now, we just have to look ahead and think what we should do to score better grades. i won't give up! i'm not going to! even if i don't make it to first 3 months, obviously, i'll go and crash lectures. lols. i wanna go SA crash lectures. =x maybe can see shuai ge.. hahas. *knock my head* i'm mad. forget it. lols.

4,4,2,2,1,3. 16 points. i'm going to chiong!

oh. i saw my OBS instructor. he remembered me. i mean, duh. lols. i made him carry my 12 kg bag.. lols.

anyway, i miss the scenery that night. i wish time would just stop there. the wind, the atmosphere, and the person who was by my side. =)

done blogging.

-i finally saw that familiar smile! i made you happy! ^^-

Sunday, September 24, 2006

i'm studying! are you amuse? lols.

hmms. good girl right?

done blogging.

-i miss you-

Saturday, September 23, 2006

it's 23 sept. finally. it's a nice day. the number itself has a lot of meanings. and the number itself holds many sweet memories. well, to me, of course.

slept at 2 this morning, and woke up at 6. erms.. then i came online.. and watch my vcd.. left the house at 1.30.. was planning to go esplanade alone, but i had to meet my friends and i was late, so i gave it a miss.

went to cathay grand to watch john tucker. i think if this kind of guy really exist, he doesn't have the rights to find his true love. flirts just sucks to the core. lols. anyway, there were many jokes going around. i found a specie and named it: humonfishkeyman. lols. so went to PS.. then i had to leave. so ah fat walked with me to the mrt. he is a really good friend. lols. he bought an extra drink and i took it. lols. cool yeah? lols.

went to esplanade. a place that i wish i could have my inspiration. and i guess i did. i was staring at the river, and at the expressway. just think about it. singapore used to be a fishing village. she experienced war and lost many heros. and this is what she is today, a successful nation. if she is able to go through this,i don't see why i can? what is so scary about exams? about Os? isn't it another challenge for me? and what is challenge? a test of our ability of something. hmm.

i wish i own the world. i wish i was able to travel to all the places i want to be. i wish i could lived in my dream house with a wonderful family. i wish i had the job i've always dream. i wish my life was great. but this things just don't come easy. do they? lols. i just have to live my day to the fullest. there will bound to be a day that i will leave. i'll leave this world, my love ones and everyone. and when i leave, i want to make sure i leave with no regrets. people are successful, i want too! people are happy, i want too! people gets everything they want, i want too!

the night scenery of singapore is just too nice. i really wish i could stay there longer, to witness every single progress of singapore. but all i have to do now, is just to suffer this 43 days. and as soon as it is over, i'll get all that i want. yaps. people are strong to hang in there, and i wish i could. but it's difficult.

hmms. this is life. nothing is smooth going. oh well. at least i had a great day. thanks to all my friends and you!

erms. thanks alot.

done blogging.

-i wish that i could do it. as i promised-

Friday, September 22, 2006

did i mention that i saw sanee? lols. he sort of grew taller and thinner! he practically look like a bamboo now. lols. but it's great to see him! lols.

too cab down to parkway. stupid taxi driver accelerate, then slow down.. then accelerate again, then slow down. then my head started to spin. when i alight, i couldn't stand properly la. lols.

tuition was great.

so here i am. blogging. lols. i so miss my blog!

EVE! i love you too!

done blogging.

-i wish i had done better. but what is done, is already done-




yap. i'm happy with my english result. but i'm not satisfy with my grade. i really wish i had done better for my compo. but.. never mind. i'll do better this Os. i must aim for my B4 or B3. ^^ as for physics. right now, i've got my B. if by Os, i can get A. it'll be cool. lols.

got back my bio pract. lols. didn't do well but i had a smile and a flower on my graph. it states: beautiful graph. lols. so cute. but that puay go disfigure it!! ahh! never mind. it's the thoughts that count. lols.

wow. everyone is improving at such a fast rate that it seems almost impossible for me to catch up. lols. guess i have to try to prove the sentence, slow and steady win the race, right. lols. everyone is aiming to go first 3 months. i tried aiming, but guess what, i think i can't.. with the grades now, all good poly courses and jc doors will be shut. lols. although i've done better than mid year, but it's just not enough. lols. aiming for 12 points. i know i can do it. REMEMBER: I MUST BE DISCIPLINED. lols. 12 points or below, so as to secure a position for me in my dream course. way to go val! lols. i must say HELLO to Bs and As.

hmms. tml going out. erms. meeting the rest at about 2.30 to catch a movie. but i feel like heading somewhere else before i meet them. lols. gotta reflect on my life. but somehow, i feel like seeing you.. hmms. don't know. life is always unpredictable. ^^

going tuition later. lols. lazy to go though. guess i won't be paying attention. lols. i'll be hearing the jokes of the Vs guys. hahas.

done blogging.

i feel that some of my effort has been paid off. i won't disappoint you anymore. i know i'll do better the next time round. i wanna let everyone know that i'm not a stupid girl, but i am a girl who has brains and who will do well if only i put in my heart and soul. i no longer want others to look down on me just because i come from a neighbourhood school. i have aims that i want to reach and i have dreams that i want to achieve. but right now. i really wish that you give me your support and let me know that you're always there for me. it's your support that i want. yap. i love you.how long was it since you last heard me say this? lols.

there are many things that i wish. but right now, i only wish that you'll be there for me.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

thanks eve, mins, lh, sh, qy, mae, tong for your concern. yaps. i'm fine.

freakingly did badly for my e maths paper 2. scare the wits out of me. yaps. sort of expected to did badly, but not SO badly. whatever. my paper 1 pull me up, so ended up with a b4. a maths paper 2 pulled me up from a fail to a c5. so yaps. pass physics, but not sure if with good grades ma. pass english compre! like so finally? lols. yeah. quite happy.

i finally feel the stress. suddenly, i had the urge to cry. and yaps. i just broke down in front of sh. thanks girl. =) i really didn't expect myself to cry. i expected myself to do better than this! better than my block test! nope. i didn't. my efforts went down the drain. *snap* just like that.

i feel like going out. will you accompany me? hmms.

done blogging.

-it seems like the end. but it's not.-

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

no good news today. practically all bad news. sigh. like what angel said, i'm not the meh who doesn't like to study. but where's that studious meh?! gone! lols. forget it. i'm not defeated by this. it's only the beginning of the game.

pass physics paper 1, fail a maths paper 1, fail bio paper 1. what the fuck! i expected a maths. but bio! i forgo my sleep and yet i get back some stupid results! damnit!

glad to have angel. ^^ hahas. manage to cheer up within few minutes. yaps. i really can't be bothered with prelims le. Os is then the real game. peeps! keep the treats to yourself if you bet with me on my prelims results. it'll come in handy for Os. i swear it will. ^^

done blogging.

-i'm freaking sad right now. so fuck off! cheer me up? try msging me-

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

just came back from movie with sis. lols. it's a funny show. and mostly are guys who are watching it. lols.

i've thought about how i would spend my first salary. lols. i'll pay off my debt: qy's treat, tong's belated present, angel's treat and family's treat! lols. then i'll pamper myself with good food, good clothes, manicure and stuff. lols.

i'm so in love with this song, stay the same by joey. erms. it's a rather old song. but yet the lyrics is quite meaningful.

Believe in yourself.
Reach down inside.
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself, you will come alive.
Have faith in what you do.
You'll make it through.

nice yeah? it's quite true. yaps.

done blogging.

-all i want and ask for is your support.-




i officially announced, END OF PRELIMS!

i wasn't really excited to know that prelims is over. in fact, i got more scared and was more determined to do well for Os. i know this is not my best. hmms. hope that some of my efforts are paid off.

slept like 1.30 a.m this morning. and woke up like 6? not so bad. but i didn't finish my syllabus. i manage to read through most, and i left out the 2 largest topic. damn! but bio paper 1 wasn't that bad. it was paper 2 that kills. oh well. it's over now.

tml will be the start of getting back results. yaps.

my final lap has yet to come. it's time to train my stamina and to keep myself in tip top condition. yaps. i'm going to chiong. it doesn't really matter if i did well or not, yeah? i guess it's the process that is important. at least it will teach me that doing last minute work just won't work. who am i kidding? how many times have i said that? lols.

my aim is to prove to her that i can do as well as sis. ^^

angel! i want my roses!! lols. kidding.

done blogging.

-48 days to my BIG DAY. and your support means alot to me.-

Monday, September 18, 2006

i hate quarreling with her. i always wanted to let her know how much i love her. and it hurts me each time i disappoint her. i've proven to her i can be as good as sis. by getting into triple science. but it seems as if, being in MJR determines my future, of being, and confirm, get into poly and not JC. oh well. guess i have to prove her wrong again.

paper wasn't that bad today. e maths paper 1 was manageable. and i pass physics paper 1! =) hope my paper 2 will pass. so at least, i'll do well for physics. =x i'm praying hard.

last paper tml. everyone is already enjoying, and i'll only enjoy from 11.15 onwards. so, chiong ar! i'm going to do well for this bio paper. i must! how long was it since i last get an A for bio? exactly a year? lols. i'm getting this A back. i need it! =x

hmms. and to you. sorry about last night.

done blogging.

-i'm back to who i am. trying to be strong and happy.-

Sunday, September 17, 2006

i hate tears. i hate crying.




it's like towards the end of my prelims. and i feel like just giving up right now. i can't stand it. the thought that Os is nearing is starting to freak me out! especially that i'm not prepared and i know i can't make it to SAJC. so no point trying to tempt me to get in. it just won't work. my dream to SHATEC may come true. ok. maybe my dream to TP for tourism course may come true or SP's business course. or biotech. forget it.

had a super bad tummyache. i was battling between life and death. i could have chose to meet my death right? nahs. there's many more things in life which i haven't done. like going venice, or rome. doing bungee jump, having my perfect wedding with my dream guy. and of course, my dream job and a wonderful family. but i guess.... out of all, many won't come true. no point lying to myself that it will come true, right?

going out with sis on tuesday for a movie. yaps. i miss hanging out with her. it's great having her at home. and i'm glad she's not staying in her hostel. ^^

currently looking for a job. ask my mum to ask her collegues if there's a job for me at any hotel. best if it's at front desk. hahas. then i guess, half my dream come true. lols. i'll probably still apply for the event company thingy. yaps.

hmms. tml is maths and physcis paper. i'm not expecting much from maths, so there goes my A. erms. physics? maybe i can try. forget about going first 3 months. NO FATE with JC. ><

hmm. i feel as if i'm back to sec 3 life. so what's the point of studying so much and working so hard. what's my freaking point?! 29,28,29,35! what the fuck. you think i feel good getting all these results? and when i get home, i have to hear all the naggings?! i don't! I SWEAR I DON'T FEEL GOOD! i have deams too. i want to be a successful person to. do i look as if i don't want to have a good future? do i look as if i'm not putting in all my effort? stop comparing me others! stop telling me how well others had done. i don't give a damn. stop telling me what i should do. i know! argh! GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK!

i know i'm not as smart as they are. i know i'm not as talented as they are. but this is me. and this is the way i am. if you don't like it, or if you don't want me, just get me out of your life. it settles all. just one line "get lost!", and i'll disappear from your life forever. just one line, and i'll be gone from this world for life and for good.i bet you won't even shed a tear or you won't even feel sad. cause i'm nothing to you. NOTHING! what's the point of me living in this world with no one who care about me? what's the point of making me so miserable when you know i hate it. this is me, like it or not!

forget about it! this life just sucks at time. who would ever want to step into it? it's just a complicated one. ahhs!

i'm sorry for if i offend anyone for writing this entry. but if you really don't like whatever i write, go my tag, type your unhappiness, PLEASE, write your real name. and if you feel that i ought to get a very bad scolding, tell it right into my face. if not, just diam and get out of this place. get out your ass out of this blog!

done blogging.

-you think i'm happy at where i am now?-

Saturday, September 16, 2006

upon sh's request, i decided to post another entry.

wanted to change my blogskin again. but then i decided not to. LOVE as a theme is a bad choice. lols. i figured that out.

did study physics a little. read through and trying to recall everything that gui said. and all the thinking questions and stuff. it's weird why suddenly my phone so quiet. hahas. oh well.

i'm down with a super bad flu. and i think i'm suffering from sleeping disorders la! stupid. thanks to the stupid exams. I'M NOT STRESS AT ALL!!

must be motivated to go SAJC. all the yandaos. and must discipline myself to show someone, i can be trusted to study on my own. hahas. ^^

done blogging.

-do you think that dream will happen in reality?-




i feel so silly. >< i woke up smiling and laughing to myself. hahas.

ok. it's all about the dream. it's weird to dream about it. but it's funny and sweet. hahas. i'm not telling anyone. i swear. and don't you dare threaten me. >< i won't give in. lols.

ahhs!! i'm a happy girl. ^^ still happy. ok. slightly happier. many surprises in life. but i guess this happiness won't last long, yeah? cause prelims result will be out next week. and you know what it means? it means i'm meeting my doom day. and that means next friday, i'm going to buy another earring!! ><

it's nice to see how some couples can be so sweet. lols. take the couple yesterday for an example. all the girl needs to do is just to sha jiao, and the guy help her clean her mouth. damn cute la. lols. and take jalat for example. lols. ok ok. sweet sweet. hahas..

hmms. 3 choices. SA, TP or SP. each has their own good points. each has their advantages.

done blogging.

-i love my dream. but if only, it's true.-

Friday, September 15, 2006

guess what! you won't believe who i saw! lols. ok. not any famous people. but a famous guy from my primary school. lols. yap. i saw amos. the super well known ah beng has become a good mama's boy now. omg! sweet. lols. i like being a prefect. especially when i take charge of the naughtiest students of the school. lols. and of course, i get to know new friends. i remember i was very scare of provoking amos. and yaps. i learnt to realise that actually, afterall, he's not so scary. lol. oh. i remember crying almost everytime when i had to scream at that class. lols. that was P5 & P6.

then come, sec 2, when i was given sec 1B. the naughtiest sec 1 class again. lols. got this guy jovi, who reminded me of amos. well. he's not that bad if you talk to him nicely. lol. ok la. lols. being a prefect is interesting. too bad, people just don't see the fun of it. nor do they show the love for the prefectorial board.. lols.

ok. bought many mai ya tang just now. until my buddy scold me for wasting so much money. lols. and he scold me for being fussy with my food. where got? all i did was just to take out the pickles from my burger ma. oo. and the onions and the tomato. =x lols.

tuition was bad. i was practically laughing through the entire lesson. thanks to the VS guys. i can't stand their jokes la. lols. the way they trick their friends and laugh at that guy. lols.

weather is damn freaking cold. and i walked under the rain. then when i went into the classroom, i was shivering la. irritating. >< oh well. can't stand very cold or very hot. just nice is great! lols.

i'm in a rebel mood. ><

oo. mummy going JB tml. so left me and my maid. feel like slacking tml. but, i promise to be a good girl. ahh!! last lap to go. CHIONG AR!!! feel as if i'm running a race. can make it or not, does not depend on my stamina, but the determination and motivation to do well and finish the race once and for all. do it once and do it right! yeahs!! i want to be the 5% of people who are successful and have dreams! yeah me!! lols.

ok. i'm a happy girl. don't ask me why. i'm not telling you. hehes. shall keep you guys in suspense. lols. bleahs. aren't i cute? =x

shan't bitch around.

done blogging.

-it's you that i wish for.-




i've planned it all. lols.

Few things to do after Os:
1.Shopping
2.Work(if not where to get money to shop? lols)
3.party!
4.hang out with friends and you!
5.tour with mum
6.slim down & go on diet
7.keep a healthy lifestyle. NO SWEETS AND CHOCO! (believe it or not =x)
8.manicure
9.sleep
10.go with choir to sydney (should i?)

ok. well plan? lols. don't destroy my plans ar.

hmms. today's paper was manageable. just not sure if i can get my grade. and damn. i just pass my chem mcq. sigh. dead meat! bio pract was ok.

stayed back in school while waiting for the rain to stop. we chat, eat and gossip. lols. anyway. i'm still deciding if i should go with choir. hais. how how how?! ><

and dudettes. stop asking me about the flower. lols. it's weird why now then you guys realised it. lols. it's like how long ago?? lols. oh ya. i didn't say who give. hahas. never mind. not like you guys will care. lols.

walked home. finally not walking under the rain. lols. good girl. ^^

wow. after Os. i'm going to all my dream restaurants to eat when i get my first pay. i'll buy all the chocolates that i dream to eat. and i'll shop to buy clothes i dream to wear!! hahas. ok. food come first. clothes, forget it. oh no! heels!! >< ahh. i'll be broke soon. >< shit. still owe qy and angel a meal. shucks!

dreams. probably they can come true after all.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVE~

done blogging.

-i'm a happy girl. =)-

Thursday, September 14, 2006

went to bed about 12.30. and only manage to sleep at 1.30. and i've only got 4 hours of sleep. woke up like 5.30!! ahh!!

i studied manufacturing, tourism and development. i skipped the entire chapt on environmental. and guess what. manufacturing was great. but tourism and development questions were tough and i ended up doing environmental. i was like. ahhh!!

a maths paper sucks totally. i didn't know how to do many questions.

angel ask me to pei him go bugis. lols. i'm glad i'm smart enough to get jordan, sy and sh to do. that stupid guy walk freaking fast!! >< went mac for lunch. jordan and sh sat on one side, and i'm squeeze in between the two guys. is either i'm fat or they keep squeezing me until i have limited space. lols. we recalled our brunei trip. i guess sy won't go any obs camps if i go. lols. i scared him the last time. lols. anyway, he's a great camper. just like angel!! lols. i've been to camps with both of them. and it's fun. like mawaii camp. anyway, i've bought what i needed to buy and he bought what he needed to buy. yeah us! lols. while going down the escalator, 2 girls were looking at us. they all of them asked me, " you know them ar?". erms. is either i don't know them, or i don't recognise them. and why me?! not them? lols. ok. i went home alone.

prelim is ending soon. and i hope i make a great improvement. i hope! ><

OMIGOSH! my beloved birthday tml! hahas. i hope she likes the present i've got for her. i hope!! >< and she going east coast while i'm going marine parade for tuition!! ahh!!

done blogging.

-it's good to know you still care. or is it just my wishful thoughts?-

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

i feel weird.

ok. i'm feeling down.

dreams. they are something that i've been wanting, and dreaming to achieve or to own it. but somehow, it seems almost impossible.

it's like 53 days to Os. and the only A i see in my block test is e maths. and freakingly, all my other subjects just sucks. what's up with wanting 5/6 As? what's up with wanting 9 points or 13 points when it's like impossible! so much for psyco-ing myself that i can do it. i just have to admit that it's beyong my reach. it's IMPOSSIBLE!

dreams. so much for my dreams.

i feel awful seeing people becoming successful, not to say, achieveing the results they dream for and entering the school that they always wanted to.

i feel useless.

AHH!!!

i wish i can get over this soon. i can't stand it anymore! fuck!

if only there's a way to end it all.....




having sleepless nights. AHH!! i need sleep! >< i can forgo anything but sleep!! ok. food too.

chem paper one is horrible! out of 40, i think i only know about 10 or so. but paper 2 was rather manageable. probably because i studied the bondings and stuff. ahhs. i'm praying that i'll do better. i'm praying!! ><

tml's geo and a maths. i guess i'll have to focus on geo. then i'll do better of a maths paper 2. i'm praying!! ><

ah! officially declared that i'm sick. not exactly flu. but my voice is like damn "sexy".. i'm drowning myself with fisherman sweet. hope that my throat or something will recover. >< and of course water!!

done blogging.

-just look on the bright side, things will turn out of the better, after all.-

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

i'm demoralised! it's only the first paper and it puts me off! i don't even dare to think about how tough the rest of the papers will be. >< doomed! doomed!! say good-bye to my first 3 months!! ahh!!!

e-maths was a total disaster. ok. probably it was easy for some, but it's definitely tough for me. then, SS!! the only subject i thought i'll score well in this time. but i guess, 25 marks, i'll be happy. ahhs!! damn!!

chem tml. must chiong!! i don't want another failing grade for chem! I CAN DO IT!! I KNOW I CAN!! i guess..

hmms. stupid angel's fault! know i'm so in love with roses!! ahh!! roses! i don't care! i want roses!!! >< roses are nice flowers. red roses are the nicest. ^^

done blogging.

-get lost DEVIL! i know i can do it! don't demoralise me! damn ass!-

Monday, September 11, 2006

physics practical is a total failure! i did practically everything wrong. >< guess i have to rely on my paper a lot.. >< stupid students who were outside the science lab. wanted to throw my rubber out to shut them out. so damn irritating!! not only did the on their freaking mp3 so loud, they sing super horrible! they don't sing with support, and sounded as though a chicken has been slaughtered! ahh!! pissed me off!

SS is tml!! ahh!! wish me luck. if my SS can pass with like 30+ or 40+, i can fail my geo for all i like. yeah! lols. jia you!!

done blogging.

-roses are nice!! totally!!-




everyone's offline!! omg! then why am i online?! lols. ok ok. the feeling is weird. >< it's just like everyone is healthy and i'm not. now, it makes me feel sick. ><

today is the day! yeah!! lols. if i can do it now, i can do even better the next round. i say again. ALL I NEED is just 15 points!! that's all that i ask for. ok. probably el will increase the points. at most make it 16 points. and i'll be safe!! ahh!! this game is like a matter of life and death. and i swear, i'll kill myself if i don't get 16 points. =x

done blogging.

-wish me luck. BIG DAY!-

Sunday, September 10, 2006

spent my entire day mugging. i really hope that my effort gets pay off. all i need is just 15 points for my L1B4, and i can make it! yes!

tml's the big day! in fact my prelim begins tml officially. ahh!! scare scare!! ><

done blogging.

-tried putting love aside. but i guess..-

Saturday, September 09, 2006

it's weird how productive my day is. well, not exactly very productive. but at least more productive than the rest of this week. =) yeah me!

wasn't feeling well last night. i was running slight fever and i had super bad gastric. i lay in bed the entire night, staring at the ceiling. and damn! the number 25 appeared. it's large! and i need lots of hard work to reduce the number. LOTS!! i mean it! argh! the more i think about it, the more i couldn't sleep.

what if i really ended up in a course that leads me to no where? what if i need to retake my Os? what if i did well for all other subjects and flunk my english? what if... shucks! all the what ifs are out. ><

another sleepless night.

woke up early and feeling so motivated! and great! i finish 3 e-maths papers!! yeah me! lols. i had few long breaks in between. i was chatting online, answering smses, and lazing around. ok. i could feel my heart skip a beat when i read my old entries. time flies. it was like a month ago, when it was 96 days to Os. and look, now! it's 57 days. how much time i've wasted crying of spilt milk and thinking that if only there's a chance to turn back time? ah.. oh well.

talked to my ex classmate again. now, the question is: why do girls dump the guys and still talk to them. -.-" it's not like after a break up, you have to lose a friendship right? it's weird how he thinks. oh. and girls don't go into a relationship just to have someone, she calls hers. but girls go into a relationship to be loved and cared by ther person, she calls her true love. cut the crap! back to studies!

venice rise due to political, social and economic factors. 7 political factors. CENIPEE. erms.. erms.. i can't remember. >< hmms.

done blogging.

-does it really matter to you how much i need you?-

Friday, September 08, 2006

had tuition. so arranged to meet my buddy at parkway parade. so anyway, it started to rain. and yeah! i had a walk under the rain. nice yeah? lols. suddenly, i remembered that you told me not to walk under the rain alone.. oh well.

went shopping alone. bought another earring. lols. then buy 2 packs of sweet. and i officially declare, i'm broke! lols. i had buddy to pay for my dinner!! ahh. you know how paiseh i am? lols. anyway, thanks alot! lols..

that's all.

done blogging.

-i love the rain. the sadness and and darkness when it rains.-




yesterday was consultation day. first had SS consultation. can you believe it?! in order to do well for SS all you need to bare in mind is: answer the question, answer the question, link back to the question, link back to the question. it may be easy, but it's difficult. i mean, you'll be so panicky, then you have to remember so many information, how can you even bare in mind to answer and link back to the question? lols. anyway, i let her mark my assignments, just pass for essay, flunk for sbq. ><

then had physics consultation. we went to ask about our physcis practical. lols. it's ok. just that we have to read the question carefully. yap yap. then mr gui and ms tay were talking about our class. lols. so funny.

amazingly, i am able to resist the temptation of not coming online yesterday! yeah me! lols.

somehow, i couldn't sleep last night. i was thinking of many things. studies, relationship, friendship, family and many things. hmms. there's no point looking back i guess. so near, yet so far. oh well. love is sweet, but bitter at times. but how do you know how to love if you don't know how to hate? hmms..

life sucks, doesn't it? you step into my life, letting me feel loved. and yet, you disappear, just like that. am i thinking too much? or is it true, that i've lost you forever?

done blogging.

-forever? is there really a forever?-

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

what the fuck! my bloody mood for studying is gone! damnit!

exactly 2 months to Os and freakingly, so many things is happening to me. what the heck!

I WANT MY MOOD TO STUDY! I WANT TO GET MY 5 As!! MUG MUG MUG MUG MUG!!

where will i be, 10 years down the road? will i still be alive? damn.

-you don't find death, but death finds you.-

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

woke up like 10+. first time feeling so energetic!! woots! anyway, today going to watch movie with sis, mummy and my maid. heard the movie is quite good. so, worth watching it.

met mum at 1.15 then meet sis at 2. had lunch at DOME! my my. the sandwich is nice. lols. i love the grapetiser. lols. erms. then walk around. movie started at 4 and ended about 6. i was to full to have dinner. so went to the hongkong restaurant for desert. somehow, the service was bad. the waitress took to wrong order and gave the wrong bill. i was shock to see the bill up to 42 bucks, when at most should be 25 bucks. and mum happily pay the bill. funny. in the end, i realise it's the wrong bill. lols.

here i am slacking, while everyone is mugging!! ahhs. no stress yet. >< hmms. running stupid flu again. damn!!

ok ok. just now, i sat on my bed and gazed out of the window. then suddenly, i was wondering where will i be, after my death. interesting question, isn't it? hmms. oh well.

done blogging.

-where will i be, after this?-

Monday, September 04, 2006

went back for chem! guess it's time to start loving chem again. lols.

7 days to start of prelims.

ok.

suddenly, i feel that i needed love. hais. forget it.

done blogging

-i feel like shit!-

Sunday, September 03, 2006

went bugis with mum yesterday. had honey mustard chicken. wow! lols. it's small in size, yet, i still can't finish. lols. anyway, the mango pudding was great! =D

went shopping around bugis. look see look see. somehow, bugis holds alot of memories. lols. my territory when i'm sec 1 and 2. lols. so, anyway, i went to Mindustry to buy a top. NICE, i tell you! lols.

on my way home, met ah boi and jalat. they were having bbq at the poolside. lols. so anyway, we sat down at the lobby and talked. from like 10+ to 11.59. lols. there's many things to talk. anyway, been a long time since i last sit down and talk to them. lols. the funniest thing is that they're trying to intro guys to me. lols. anyway, thanks! i'm fine. =) hahas. smile peeps! hahas. jalat told me many things about poly life. and yap, the school is "NOT BIG". lols.

lols. first time my mummy allow me to stay out there till like 11.59? lols. so funny. i watched the mrt doors closed. hahas. guess jalat walked home. hahas.

slept at 12.30 a.m till this morning.

TML GOT SCHOOL!! ahhs. lols. ok.

done blogging

-i want to be loved. but by someone who appreciates me-

Saturday, September 02, 2006

i feel as though i'm making my life miserable and i feel as though i'm making myself look pathetic! it's not as if i want it. i feel that it's not fair!! it seem like yesterday when my life is full of hope and suddenly, right now, it's pitch dark.

I'M FEELING MISERABLE!

what that fuck!

-pissed-

Friday, September 01, 2006

today is the start of holidays! yeah! and i get to wake up late. lols.

ok.

yesterday, i was talking to my ex classmate. he just got dumped and is feeling depressed. and it's amazing how i tried to cheer him up and talk sense into him. lols. i guess break ups really make a person grow up alot. lols. and it's weird why i didn't think of such things when i had a break up 8 months ago. weird, isn't it? anyway, while trying to talk sense into him, he complained that what i'm trying to say is profound. lols. profound yet makes sense! lols. cool isn't it?

oh well. it's just feels weird. friends are telling me their problems on relationships and i'll either give them advice or cheer them up. yet when it comes to my own problem, i'll always be the one avoiding it. crying just don't help. waiting makes you feel worse. looking back just makes you look silly. and running away just won't solve it all. but yet, you just can't help but to cry, wait, look back and run away. cause there is always a part of you that don't wish let go and don't wish to put it to an end.

all that a girl ever wished for is to be loved and to be cared for by the one she loves. but even such simple request just makes LOVE seems so complicated.

oh well. i no longer know what LOVE means. or what it feels like to be loved.

where is that person to wake me up from my fantasy? where is that person to call out to me "wake up! it's time to face reality!"? where is that person to tell me that he'll show me what forever means? lols. there goes my dreams again. i guess no such person exist. and even if he does, he'll never be mine.

done blogging.

-tell me it's all real-

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