Saturday, July 31, 2004
jux got home from evelyn de jia lorx.. damn tire.. did 23 candles in 4+ hours.. haha.. anywayx, went to school at 1+ to meet them.. then went to market to mummum. then toh wee say i today look like ah lian.. jux becoz i change my ear-rings and i clip my hair until i really looks like one.. fine~! haha.. went to evelyn house after that.. got dog lehx.. then nana and jordan very scare.. haha.. the doggie so cute and guai..nv bite me.. haha.. then we did the candle lorx.. melt the candle, freeze the candle.. do the cycle over and over again.. then i was standing beside ren ren doing the candle.. then he keep talking to be about +arepanda kor kor.. then keep saying all his good points.. duh.. of coz i know all of it.. then sae his nephew going to have wife.. *piank* heartbreak le.. haix.. but i expected it anyway.. jux waiting for the moment whereby i could really let go.. close friends all know i can't.. but somehow, i have too.. argh!! spoil my mood!! tried to be happie lorx.. keep burning ppl today.. so sorwee worx.. didn't did that on purpose de.. went home at 7.52.. walk by our school.. saw this black figure lorx.. then i tell nana and jordan!! then they ran so fast until i cannt catch up.. scare me lorx.. dunno is ghost or wad.. but so late le, who will be at the field there? *scratch head* anwayx, watch the fireworks with jordan.. damn nice.. got heart heart de.. got stars.. then he say: it will be nicer if watch with stead.. haix.. 4 months ago, i jux broke up.. if only it could last till now, won't it be good? probably not bahx.. i know that i would risk losing him.. and i was right.. haha.. life still have to go on.. i'm feeling emotional now.. guess i'm going to have a emotional break down.. haix..
♥ the world will turn WILD.
6:25 AM
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
this week is test-ie week!! so many tests.. *argh* not for me of coz.. for practially the whole school!! sec fours all having block test.. then see them like very stress lidat.. even ke ai de japan kor kor also studying so hard worx.. haha.. pity him.. nvm.. i pray for all of them to pass with flying colours!! hehe.. *praying* nothing much happen during lessons today.. stayed back in school to discuss the sign-in board for the teacher's day.. not so bad lahx.. then nana de senior need wei jie's number.. so ask us to find for a ncc guy who got his number.. then wanted to find wee wee(wee kiat) or maybe tai yang kor kor(sanee).. but then they having lessons.. so i went to look for jun pei kor kor lorx.. then went to his class.. saw him, then call him pei pei.. =X *oops* then later some arguement in the class, then got this guy chase him out of the class.. then they ran the whole 2nd lvl twice lorx.. so lame.. until he come back le, then i get wei jie's number.. haha.. so happie!! manage to get that his number!! wahaha.. but then sad lahx, jun pei tell me that i cannot anyhow msg him.. then never mind lorx.. went back to valerie's there.. sianx lorx.. went home with jian cong, yu ren, alex and mummy.. then on my way home, alex and me saw taiwan kor kor playing with a cat, then we laugh lorx.. took same bux as miss yap lehx, and none of us know until we saw her.. haha.. very little ppl online nowx.. japan away worx.. guess he is studying.. he damn cute today worx.. hehe.. kawaii!!! wahaha.. saw +arepanda kor kor alot of time today.. then he is always smiling.. haix.. dunno why lehx.. wonder how he stay happie? tml got hcl test!! *yawn* feel like sleeping even before i start studying..
♥ the world will turn WILD.
2:15 AM
Sunday, July 25, 2004
sickening throat! damn pain lorx.. and it kept me up all night through.. woke up today feeling tire but was unable to sleep at the same time.. did my homeworkx with the freaking pain on my nerves.. *staring into space* kept day-dreaming most of the time lorx.. guess this time i went really far.. shouldn't have made japan angry.. guess there is no way for me to apologise to him.. haix.. so many things happening in life.. i feel that i am a small little ant that is carrying a big and heavy rock.. the stress is too much.. is life always that tiring to move on? is life suppose to be lidat? *cough* how i wish i could cough out blood and end my life jux lidat.. i didn't mean to upset ppl.. i didn't mean to hurt anyone.. and right now, all i could jux say is: i'm sorry.. right here, i am apologising to all the ppl i once hurt and harm.. i sincerely apologise to you and hope to seek for a tiny forgiveness.. but if you won't forgive me, i guess i mux be really wrong.. may i take my leave? may God let me pay my sins through death..
♥ the world will turn WILD.
3:20 AM
Friday, July 23, 2004
today school anniversary worx.. lessons end at 9.50.. then i had HEY meeting until 11.. then some went home.. evelyn, yuren, alex, rainer, win ying, tedja and yu ker stayed back in school lorx.. then we clean the prefect room together.. now the prefect room so clean.. we went mac to eat worx.. then eat until so shuang.. en en came in.. haha.. he damn cute lahx.. let me bully until so shuang too.. haha.. then later seng yong come.. wahx.. his NO.1 uniform damn cool sia.. see until shuai dai le.. then later.. cong cong come.. i become seng yong de wife(play play) liaox.. then whenever i call him 'lao gong' i feel so farnie.. cong cong damn cute today worx.. his hairstyle chao ji cute.. =X head back to school.. prepare for everything lorx.. damn tire lahx.. wear the shoe for 5 hours lorx.. then walk here and there.. so sianx.. help to serve drinks.. then guess wad.. i have nice nice desserts worx.. *yummy yummy* haha.. did i talk about the parade? damn nice.. but then i didn't get to see him though.. kinda find him very cute in his scouts uniform.. haha.. went home after everything lorx.. stupid leg.. so pain!!! *argh* not only leg.. my throat too.. too dry le.. then now got very pain sore throat.. then go home that time, speak lesser.. then very tire too.. wahx.. cannot take it liaox.. i go orh orh.. sweet dreamy dear diary!
♥ the world will turn WILD.
7:08 AM
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
had a farnie dream last night.. chao dreamt i hugged japan!! i dreamt i was feeling very down, i did't know wad to do and i was at my dead wits.. so i msg him and ask him to meet me at the d&t block, and i hugged him!!! so weird dream!!! *argh* i woke up blushing lahx.. so stupid!!! anywayx, today's bag was light.. had science and music lessons.. then i head to TKGS.. taiwan keep nagging at us.. so i had to called him daddy instead of kor kor.. haha.. TKGS prefect investiture was cool manx~!!! the dance was so cool~!! guess wad.. the ex head prefect said "don't judge the head prefect by her height".. so farnie.. anywayx, the presentation of the times they had were very nice.. so sweet.. i was so touched.. started getting very emotional from then on.. we toured round the school.. saw this prefect from another school.. he is so cute~!! didn't get to know him in the end.. =( anywayx.. the prefects there are friendly.. saw my ex classmate.. she is still the same.. cute, sweet and lovely.. =) i head back to school with alex.. help abit with the prefect noticeboard.. haix.. didn't had much mood towards the end.. i start feeling so down, so sad, so tired.. so sick of life.. about the go home, then jared kor kor ask me go to him... then he ask me to take things easy.. caring kor horx? i told him i was fine( though i didn't sounds as if i did).. i had many things going in my mind.. i didn't had any way to find an answer to them.. i feel life is really challenging.. i felt so determined to let him go.. but when i finally succeed, God made me have false hopes again.. then, i tried to hard to accept someone, but yet, i gave up.. i hate myself for everything.. i hate myself for forcing myself into this situation.. i felt like having a shoulder there, but who would it be? i need him so much, but yet i feel that i'm a burden to him.. loving him is so hard and forgetting him is harder.. when can i ever get an answer to my questions? when will God let me go? i'm wondering..
♥ the world will turn WILD.
5:45 AM
Saturday, July 17, 2004
dunno why i today siao siao one.. keep lauhing none stop.. i msg kor kor few times le.. kinda feel very happie about it.. =) but it has no special meaning bahx.. once it is over, it is over.. somehow, i tried my best to stand up.. but it seems that i love falling down.. i'm waiting for that special hand to pull me up once again.. but i guess, it will be a long time later.. jared kor kor suggested me to go couselling.. think i will give it a try.. jux hope they dun tell mummy.. the tell mummy, i die die le.. haix.. life sux to the core~ can't wait to leave the world.. leave everything undone.. jux hope to bid goodbye to everyone.. haix..
♥ the world will turn WILD.
7:59 PM
Friday, July 16, 2004
somehow, life seems to sux more than ever.. life seems to be harder to move on than ever.. everyone have the determination to overcome these problems.. but not me.. 3rd time.. 3rd time within a week i had cried my heart out.. why is that so? why did i become such a crying baby? i don't get it.. somehow, i feel like plucking up my courage and jump off the buliding.. i feel like living a peaceful life without any worries.. i feel like jux watching my love ones from above.. but i can't~ i'm a failure to myself.. i'm a bitch to my friends.. is that wad life is? is life all about calling ppl names? i tried my best to be as happie as i can.. but the troubles are all inside.. no matter how hard i try to get it out, it will still be inside.. haix.. i act happie in front of friends.. but clowns do shed tears too.. right? i'm so tire of life.. haix..
♥ the world will turn WILD.
12:03 PM
Friday, July 09, 2004
have been crying out for the past few days.. somehow, life seems to get better from an angle and getting worst from another angle.. dunno how to sae.. but i really have to sort my thoughts and know wad exactly i am doing.. in fact, i dun even know who i am.. haix.. eyes suddenly swollen in school today.. kor kor thought something happen to me.. haha.. but i told him nothing.. spend quite sometime talking to him.. i guess life lidat is better.. made the wrong move bahx.. looking back, i realise how stupid i was.. why would you force someone to be with u? so stupid.. things and people around me kinda change.. not really use to the changes.. especially me.. i'm feeling weaker and weaker each day.. i think something is wrong with me.. i feel so sleepy all the time and i'm always dropping hair.. dun wish to think so much.. haix.. mish him so much~!! i think i'm having feelings for him once again.. *sigh*
♥ the world will turn WILD.
2:04 AM
Sunday, July 04, 2004
wow.. have been contacting Joshua for like so many days.. really glad that i manage to contact him.. went to school yesterday.. then toh wee came.. coz it was after his lessons.. then Miss Tan wants another thing up.. dunno wad she meant.. then got to talk to kai yi.. so sad.. nv really had a chance to be under him.. =( he was a really great head prefect.. easy-going guy manx~! got to the prefect room.. slack awhile, then went to find alex.. on our way to find him, i saw kor kor.. he grow so tall.. but he like diam diam lidat.. then abit sad lorx.. =( went to the prefect room.. paint the stones for teachers' day.. very xin ku lehx.. =( then decided to test the sprays.. then saw doggie.. haha.. he damn cute lahx.. but he keep bullying me.. i tickle him, he tickle me back.. tuesday, he will get it le.. =P then we did the stone painting until 3+,4? then i went home lorx.. mummy nag siax.. then keep msging my new god-twin brother.. he is so cool~ hE rOx~! haha.. nice to meet him again.. anywayx, havent been in a good mood these days.. always feeling very down.. =( kinda mish him.. *argh* today, did my assessments.. i'm gonna give up le.. so hard~!!! gonna hand it to TW kor kor to help me do.. i dun care le.. tml suppose to go his house to see the sign-in board materials.. but going out with mummy.. so guess i have to cancel it.. haha..
JC kor kor going his house.. haha.. then i nv go, bu hao wan le.. =X joshua kor kor gonna teach me how to play pool.. cool or notx? then guess i'll ask to be taught bowling next tym.. haha.. =P hApP|e yOutH dAy~
♥ the world will turn WILD.
5:14 AM
